Withdrawal.

Sitting, at my desk I ponder why it is so hard for me to take care of myself. My heart longs to break out of the pattern of care for Chris, care for kids, care for family and whatever is left Tina gets. I struggle because putting others first is Christ-like. I want to be like Christ. However, I know that He took time away in silence for prayer, meditation and silence. That is so hard for me. I make progress in the area and then I fall back into the same dang pattern. It's frustrating.

So, contrary to what I want/need to do right now. I will leave this house in its messy state and get on my knees before Him; pray for wisdom and transformation of my ugly pattern. My prayer is that He will build my faith by continuing His work in me and the gradual transformation will be apparent to me and others. This way, we can catch a glimpse of who He is and how, through Him, we can become more like Him. I need that hope right now.