Candid or Crazy?

It's not breaking news that I'm an open person and mostly, quite confident. But, every so often I get overly self-aware and in those moments compulsively observe the many responses, whether an eyebrow raise or a shocked expression, to my often open dialogue and wonder, "Am I too open?".

Now, it's a given that some people just won't appreciate my transparent approach but really, in the grand scheme of things does it help? Does my open book policy stir things up so the yucky issues are dealt with before they begin to rot or am I just digging up the yuck and will eventually find myself buried in unmanageable piles of rotting issues?

I know tomorrow or maybe the next day I'll resume my "tackle the world" approach but for today, I'll sit on the couch eating chocolate chips and ignoring the rotting issues. It's easier and frankly, keeping me out of a straight jacket.

Clutch Been Busted...

My car has been in the shop for a couple days while the clutch underwent repair. I went to pick up the car today and while reviewing the receipt and repair description I noticed the repair was listed as "clutch abuse". Clutch abuse!!! 135,000 miles on the 'Ol Honda clutch and he's telling me I abused the clutch. I swear I'm one of the best standard drivers in the state of Colorado! (No pride there right?! C'mon, you know I'm just like Pretty Woman driving the standard-H down Rodeo Drive...) I know I should just blow it off but I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe I really am a bad driver disguised as one of those ladies who thinks they are a good driver. Holy smokes. Who am I really!?!? Heh. There's my daily drama.

Highway to Crazy Town...

I spend a great deal of time looking through cooking magazines and books in search of those kid-friendly recipes that will also appeal to the adult palate in our house.
Kids: cheese, noodles, fruit, milk, yogurt - i.e. anything bland!
Chris: peppers, sausage, curry, - i.e. spicy man-food!
Conclusion - I'm screwed.

I walked away from the table at lunch today in an effort to avoid spewing words that would damage my marriage and my children in one foul swoop!

Scene:
Saturday night - Tina labors to cook a yummy, low-fat, man-friendly yet kid-friendly potato soup for service at lunch the following day.
Sunday lunch sitting at the kitchen table - Tina plates all food for family and places said food on neatly set table including the friggin' place mats...!!! Chris eats happily (thank God!) as children take turns whining about soup. Georgia pushes bowl away with grimace, Reese pushes bowl away with exact same facial expression. Georgia whines for something different, Reese follows with similar whine. Tina negotiates one bite of soup (sure that after one bite children will take to yummy, labor-full soup). Neither child buys into negotiation. Tina attempts again, describing food as yummy, just like cheesy sauce they so love...on and on... Nada. Tina looks at Chris like her head is going to pop off. Chris assumes high-pitched tone that no man would brag about and supports Tina but says nothing new. Tina introduces the concept that it IS possible to hurt her feelings and that children should try food. Chris stares blankly. Tina tries different angle. Chris stares blankly. Tina leaves table and shuts herself in her bedroom. Now, Chris gets Tina's point and takes over! (What do you know!) Children try soup. After gathering her composure, Tina resurfaces from bedroom. AHHHHHHHHH!!

You know, I'm not sure how many people could continue to work hard at a job in which there is constant and guaranteed destructive criticism and lack of thanks. Oy. Staying home is the hardest and oddly, most rewarding job I've every had! Crazy Town here I come.

The Grouch That Stole Thanksgiving...

How is it that I'm grumpy on a holiday for giving thanks?! I choose to give thanks anyways.

Here's my top 10 thankful list for 2007:

I'm thankful for...
1. A husband who is totally committed to our marriage.
2. Two healthy and spunky girls
3. New friendships that surprise me with their willingness to dig deep
4. Old friendships that enrich my life and give me hope when I need it most
5. The Food Network (honestly! hours of entertainment and culinary schooling!)
6. My new pillow. Each night we grow more and more fond of each other.
7. My new niece, Finley, and her spiky hair!
8. Parents who love me unconditionally and are truly great mentors and friends
9. A brother and a sister that know (better than anyone) my past, present and cheer for my future.
10. My God-given drive for growth and understanding and His promise that He will complete that which He has begun in me.

I smile at the future while trudging through the difficult present.
Happy Thanksgiving!

Where's my time warp?

Every day I'm puzzled by my lack of time and accomplishment. Don't get me wrong, I know that cooking three healthy meals a day, playing with 2 feisty girls, and finishing the 2nd load of dishes while still having a moment to sniff my armpits and make an attempt to remember the last time I took a shower is a great deal to jam into one day. BUT, there's still more. The to-do lists grow longer, not shorter. I don't veg in front of the TV for hours on end, I don't surf the net, I don't read a novel a day or browse through catalogs and at the end of each day I look around my house and can't believe that I only chipped away an itty-bitty section of what needed to be done that day.

So, in an effort to fix the problem, (no, I'm not one of those women who like to just talk about their issues, believe me, I want to fix them!) I am thinking through and analyzing each part of my daily schedule and trying to find the time warp that must be lingering somewhere between spiking the mac-n-cheese with squash puree and kissing the girls goodnight. I have yet to find my so eagerly sought solution.

Please share with me your time saving tricks and daily schedules. How do you make it through the day and fall into bed with a sense of accomplishment? What part of your day is a non-negotiable mainstay and what part would you discard for more time?

Boring Ancestry?

In an effort to tap into my ancestry, I've been trying to get though Henrik Ibsen's "A Doll House and Other Plays". (For those of you who don't know, my maiden name is Ibsen) After one too many inquiries from supermarket attendants asking, "How do you like his work?" I decided about two years ago that I must read at least the most popular of his plays, "A Doll House". Needless to say, the book is still on my bed stand with a book mark sadly only a few acts into his first play. It's BORING!! What does that say about my family legacy?!

I feel like I've tried everything to get through it and now I'm employing the Dr. Seuss approach to reading, "Have you read it in your bed?, Have you read it standing on your head?, Have you read in in the morning?, Have you read it in the night?, Have you read it flying a kite?, Have you read it after two double espressos?, Have you read it so the supermarket attendant can be impresso-ed?"

God help me if I try again!

Contentment...

I am meditating on a few verses I ran across during my morning study on contentment. I hope you enjoy them as well...

Proverbs 17:22 "A cheerful heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit makes one sick."

Hebrews 13:5 "Stay away from the love of money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, "I will never, never fail you nor forsake you."

Proverbs 23:18 "...continue to reverence the Lord all the time, for surely you have a wonderful future ahead of you. There is hope for you yet!"

Blogging and entering...

So, last night at about mid-night I found myself half dressed standing in the kitchen wielding a very large butcher knife contemplating whether or not I had the guts to actually use the thing. (No, it's not what you think; I did not lose my temper with Chris and go all Lorena Bobbitt!!) In the dead of the night my dog, Solomon, went into a barking rage and Chris and I were convinced someone was breaking and entering. Chris hurdled out of bed like an Olympic track star. (Be still my heart!) Honestly, one of the first things that went through my head was that despite the many attempts of my blogging friends to convince me that posting a blog did not put me at stalker risk, the online stalker freaks did in fact find me and my family is toast!!
Dramatic? Me??

Chris was running around in his boxers (may I add, without a weapon!) while I was strategizing on how exactly I'd stab the crazy attacker. After Chris checked on the girls we concluded that we'd watched one too many Scream movies and tried to go to sleep. BUT, the adrenaline!! What a rush. When life gets boring I may just call one of my friends to mock break-and-enter my house at 1am. Please stand by and remember, if called please spend some time training in knife combat. I'm a crazy lady with a newly developed defense strategy!

The Present of Being Present...

The simplest moments are when we let go of the to-do list and focus on what is happening right then and there. It is a constant argument of mine that running for a camera seeking that perfect picture to capture the perfect moment actually ruins the moment! (To some extent, this is an excuse for my lifelong lack of photographic documentation...) However, I do believe there is some truth to this concept. We are so often absent from our own lives and I'm working on being more present in my own.

I was just sitting on the couch with Georgia and Reese. My normal self would have taken advantage of the moment and read a book for 20 minutes or edge vacuumed the furry carpet. Thankfully, something in me said, "Sit still!". Both girls snuggled up and we giggled and just enjoyed each other. What a refreshing moment! No fur-free carpet or eye-opening autobiography would have given me such joy and fresh perspective.

Saving money...

Some of you may know that I am constantly trying to find new ways to save money while not putting myself out too much.

My latest find? Dry or powdered milk. Yes, I know it doesn't taste the same but think about it this way. Odds are, you didn't like coffee, tea, wine or even low-fat ice cream when you first tasted it but over time it has become something you really enjoy.

Get this, powdered milk is fat-free and can be mixed with less water to make creamer or a half-and-half like product. I've used it in baking or sauces in which I would usually use milk. (bread, muffins, pancakes, soups, macaroni and cheese, etc.)

I've been substituting powdered milk in my cooking for the last month or so and Chris hasn't even noticed. (And believe me, he's very picky about his food...) The savings? Every time I go through a box of powdered milk I know I've saved about $5. That's almost two Starbucks Americanos!

Do you have any money saving ideas? I would certainly like to hear them!

Sex out of the city...

Read at your own risk... Honest content to follow...

I just returned from a weekend spent in Estes Park with a couple girlfriends from church. We filled our time with the usual weekend-away activities: hikes, shopping, hot tubs, very little sleep and TALKING. More specifically, we talked about sex; honest, up-front, respectful sex talk but still shocking and eye opening.

I was enlightened. The only sex input we get is from things like Sex and the City, prime time television or worse, that old lady on channel 70 very late at night (Suzie Creepy or whatever her name is...). It took time for the ladies to open up but after many a red face it became easier and it was fun and helpful. Why don't we talk to our girlfriends more about this? Yes, I know, IT'S PRIVATE but we talk about all our other problems and let's be honest, sex at some point is a major problem. By receiving input and encouragement we can begin to chip away at even the most private areas of our lives and make real progress.

...just my thoughts and reflection after very little sleep and a fabulous time away.

Blessed indeed...

We spend so much time thinking about what we want and don't have instead of how much we have been blessed with.

I'm reading the autobiography written by Bob and Lee Woodruff, "In an Instant". If you remember, Bob is the ABC News Anchor that was terribly injured in a road-side bombing in Iraq. Throughout the book Lee and Bob give their individual account of the recovery and page by page I'm blown away by how steadfast they are to count what they have and not what they don't have.

I suggest the read but more so I suggest analyzing your life through a different lens. What do you have to be thankful for? Leave the wants behind and see if life takes a turn for the better; not by circumstances but by viewpoint.
Happy Thanksgiving Season!

I think I'm drunk...

Yep, you heard me. I think I'm drunk on cold meds!!! I'm jammed somewhere between wanting to do a silly drug-induced dance and falling on the floor kicking and screaming, "I want my mommy!". Both would make way to a hefty audience on YouTube, I'm sure.

If you haven't deduced, my cold is still haunting me. Georgia keeps asking, "But, but, but...who's going to take care of me if you're sick?!" I assure her with every bit of positive facial expression within me that mommy's fine and can still take care of her. I'm questioning myself as I say the words to her each time. Children sure teach you to reach farther than you ever thought you could. What a blessing. Even now.

Stay tuned... Amidst my drunken haze I'm working on an online poll for the blog site. Curious?

Sick in bed with a racing heart...

Well, today I finally came down with the gunk that's been floating around my family. Thankfully Chris' client cancelled for the morning and he was able to care for the girls. It's funny, I'm always saying it would be nice to spend a day in bed doing nothing but I can't get my head and, oddly, my heart to stop racing. I can feel my blood pressure speeding every time I think about the laundry or other things that can certainly wait another day.

So, this blog posting is me squaring myself up with God's plan for me today; to take care of myself. I'm so disciplined about so much in my life but lack discipline when it comes to quieting my mind and being where I am just for a moment. Well, today I'm going to do just that.
I'll be. I'll be happy. I'll be happy just where I am.

Forgiveness...

I've been struggling with unforgiveness, more so unforgetness, with my husband, Chris. I spent some time this morning studying the Bible to see what God says to do (forgive...duh!) and move forward. If you too are in this place, can I encourage you to do the same?

The following scripture bolstered my strength and will be my Biblical mantra for a while.

Psalm 51:10 & 12
Create in me a pure heart, Oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Suggested reading on forgiveness:
Psalm 51 in it's entirety
Eph 4:31-32
I John 1:9
Luke 17:3-4
Mark 11:25
Isaiah 1:18-20
Matthew 6:14-15, 18:23-25

Mascara at the stop light...

While applying my mascara at a stop light on the way to church Georgia asked me if she could have some make-up to wear to church. Of course, I replied, "No, baby! You're gorgeous just the way you are!" Then I thought, what message am I sending her? Mommy's not gorgeous just the way she is? It's part of my mommy to-do list to raise girls with great self worth and now I wonder... Do I have great self worth? How am I communicating this to my girls? Does make-up on my not so gorgeous sleep deprived face contribute to self assured young ladies? I know makeup is a cultural and let's be honest, necessary part of most of our days BUT what are we teaching the next generation about self worth, self esteem and painting themselves beautiful?

Chaos In Ferry Land...

A jet lagged husband, two snot infested girls and a stinky dog. Mrs. Ferry, this is your life. You are the proud winner of pj's and un-brushed teeth at noon on Saturday.

What's crazy? It's so fun one minute and the very next I feel like I should be rush ordering a straight jacket. It's amazing how perspective and attitude can change a moment or...a life. I determine not to let my stinky attitude waste the beauty of what God has given me. Amen?

One question...okay, two...

Do you find posting online a good use of your time? Why?
Post your blogsite for my viewing pleasure. It will comfort me to know I'm not the only person giving in to this online social network stuff.

My first third blog posting

Oy! I've posted three copies of my first blog already! 1st, posted and lost it in la la land. 2nd, posted effectively and then realized that my blogspot address gave too much personal information for me to sleep knowing my family could be located and stalked by a nut job. 3rd might be my last. Again, oy!

Stay tuned for random thoughts and honest introspection. Read at your own risk.