Craigs List!

Okay people, if you haven't used Craig's List you must start now. I was the classic sceptic. "Does this really save time and money? Is it really worth it?".
Answer: Yes!!

I bought the girls used Christmas presents on Craig's list (Dora House and accessories, Tool Bench, Polly Pockets, Baby Dolls) and then Chris insisted on buying some traditional store bought items to even out the purchases. So far the used items are the favorite! We should have only bought the Craig's List items! Next year only Craig's list purchases and fewer gifts. Hold me accountable people... With a hubby who loves to buy I'll need some extra man-power.

Side note: What the heck is the deal with Polly Pockets!? They're cute and G loves them but the storage and organization issue is a disaster! Little shoes, coats, hair accessories... I'm losing my mind and it's only been 2 days. Any suggestions for small toy organization?

Hope Christmas was wonderful for you all and that you aren't having Polly Pocket remorse...

Debbie Downer...

Do you remember that skit from Saturday Night Live titled "Debbie Downer" where friends were out together and there was one lady who would put a damper on the evening with downer details about life. After she made her comment the camera would zoom into her frowning face and the music would go, "Wah, wah, wah..."

That's how I feel right now. Chris' mom, Sharon, passed this last Sunday morning. We were expecting to lose her but it still feels sudden. We're surviving though...

My thoughts have been filled with such heavy content lately I could go on forever but one thought continues to swirl around my head. Am I ready? If God called me to heaven today would I be ready? Have I been honest and forgiving with my family and friends; to the point that I could leave them in peace? Am I focusing too much on the minor things (dishes, waist measurements, my husband's stupid comments) and forgetting about the majors (my blessed life, my health, my loving and committed husband)? Let me challenge you: Take a tally of your blessings and determine to meditate on the things that really add to your life. The things that take away are just inevitable little bits of life that we should acknowledge and deal with but not major on.

Random thoughts...

It's been a little while since I've blogged... It feels like I'm balancing my thoughts as they swirl around like they're in orbit. I'm thinking so much that I can't seem to put things together in my head, let alone on paper! Stick with me as I sort things out in what I'm sure will be quite random...

We've got a lot going: Chris' mom going to hospice, my brother's struggling, my sister has a new baby, financial struggles... The list goes on and on...

The amazing thing is that Chris and I are doing better than we have in such a long time. Marriage is tough and we are so constantly working towards our greatest marriage that sometimes we forget to just cling to one-another and appreciate each other. We're doing that now and just coasting for a while. It feels nice.

Little story:
Completely out of the blue, Georgia said to me today, "Grandma's going to die soon." Not a question; no emotion; just matter of fact; point blank. It was odd! I asked her carefully, "Who told you that?" She said, "I figured it out all by myself." Talk about perceptive AND talk about peace! Georgia loves her BaBaBoo (Grandma) and knows what happens when you die. (We had lengthy conversations about this when my sister's beloved cat died. In our house, for simplicity sake, cats do go to heaven!) She understands that we won't see her again but she's happy for BaBaBoo because she's going to heaven. Georgia gets that heaven is better than here and she's willing to let BaBaBoo go for that. Isn't that amazing! The things we learn from children. It blows me away every day.

Hope your day is filled with wondrous surprises and perspective.

Esther...

I was reading today in the book of Esther and was really convicted by how Esther conducted herself. I've read Chuck Swindoll's book, "Esther" and even after all that time spent on such a little book God revealed another thing to me just by reading his word. Amazing!

Anyway, enough la la... I was convicted by how Esther conducted herself when petitioning King Xerxes. Remember, by approaching the king without being summoned she was risking death but she did it anyway to save her people, the Jews. The awe inspiring thing to me is that she got his attention without being killed, invited him to dinner to discuss and when the King asked what was up she postponed for another day. She must not have felt like the timing was right. She was following God's leading and waiting on the Lord. I'm sure she wanted to ask and get the heck out of there! If it were me I'd be asking for what I needed right then and there and plunge forward into saving my people. Why waste time right? Wrong. She talked to the King the next day and the timing was perfect. Everything that happened from that point forward was synchronized with certain important events. I could see God ordering each day as I read on into Esther. Isn't that awesome!

I anticipate everything and I'm praying that the Lord will help me be more sensitive to His leading. I would suggest flipping through Esther yourself. (It's only 10 short chapters.) God's name is not mentioned in the book but you can clearly see His presence.

Hope I'm not too preachy-preachy...Here ends the sermon for the day!!

Aint no man like Daddy...

This morning Georgia and I were sitting at the kitchen table for breakfast and she announced, "We're going to play in my room this morning. What game do you want to play, Mommy? Clock or Tea Pot?". Agreeable for curiosity sake I said, "OK, I'll play. How about Tea Pot?". So I followed her downstairs (she wouldn't let me step one foot in front of her) and sat on her bedroom floor. She pulled out the blocks and said, "OK, make a tea pot." I thought, "Holy heck! I'm no architect. All these blocks are square and all the tea pots I've ever seen are round." I sat, dumbfounded but then made an attempt at looking confident and began my building endeavor. Immediately, Georgia informed me that I was not doing it right and I should try again. I tried again. Wrong again. Again. Wrong... Georgia stood up bewildered and said, "I'll get daddy. He knows how to do stuff like this!". She marched upstairs and Chris came down and put the friggin' thing together in under 5 seconds AND it looked like a tea pot!!!! Georgia looked at me and said, "See Mommy, Daddy will teach you how."
After I got over my lack of tea pot building know-how, I felt so thankful that I have a husband that will stop his sprint out to the door to get to work and build a tea pot for Georgia. I also felt very thankful that Georgia didn't call me a stupid-head. That certainly would have hurt my feelings.

Things that make you go ouch...

Call me a masochist but I like to feel things in all their painful glory. I never shy away from pain in order to really experience life. When my grandpa was on his death bed I didn't busy myself with other things but cleared my schedule as much as possible and shared some of the most precious moments with him. Precious but painful. I have story after story like that in my life. It's not conscious and I don't realize I'm doing it again until I come out the other side pain ridden but thankful that I had the opportunity to draw in and soak in the experience and the opportunity for growth.

Tonight as I type I realize I'm doing it again. Drawing near to the ones I love as they experience pain and their pain becomes my pain. Break-ups, cancer, marital troubles, and other things. At the end of a long day my heart aches and my gut feels heavy. I'm close to tears. Even in this moment I wouldn't change my day; my conversations; my aches; my pains; my life. I feel blessed to trudge through life with those that I hold so dear to my aching heart.

Excellence or Perfection?

Living a life of excellence is harder than we as women would like to admit. Or is it? Are we striving for excellence or perfection? I was given an excerpt from a book that really made me think and I'd like to share it with my people. Here's to all the excellent women in my life!

"The Better Way" from Finding a Mentor, Being a Mentor

Excellence is willing to be wrong,

Perfection is being right.

Excellence is risk,

Perfection is fear.

Excellence is powerful,

Perfection is anger and frustration.

Excellence is spontaneous,

Perfection is control.

Excellence is giving,

Perfection is taking.

Excellence is confidence,

Perfection is doubt.

Excellence is flowing,

Perfection is pressure.

Excellence is journey,

Perfection is destination.

The mess of success...

Chris and I have been working on goal setting for the last year or so. We've had many conversations dreaming about our potential life and how lovely it would be to have a little house in Europe, another on a beach and another in the mountains... Matching Hummers (that's Chris!), matching track suits (that's me when I'm slap happy), and for me to have two boobs that match in size and don't droop down to my toes (that's Dr. 90210)!! BUT, this is all a dream. A dream that isn't necessarily realistic to really create the life that we really want; the life that's best for us.

So, after much non-sense we've come down to this one question: How do we define success?

Often, we measure our lives against our upbringing, pop-culture or even, our laziness and tendency to just make it from one day to another. My whole being is desperately fighting against this mentality. I'm tired of just putting one foot in front of the other; I want to drive towards something. Not money, not fame but a life that stands out; a life that digs deep; a life that changes people (including myself); a life that brings meaning to all the difficult times. I want to succeed according to my terms; God's terms.

Candid or Crazy?

It's not breaking news that I'm an open person and mostly, quite confident. But, every so often I get overly self-aware and in those moments compulsively observe the many responses, whether an eyebrow raise or a shocked expression, to my often open dialogue and wonder, "Am I too open?".

Now, it's a given that some people just won't appreciate my transparent approach but really, in the grand scheme of things does it help? Does my open book policy stir things up so the yucky issues are dealt with before they begin to rot or am I just digging up the yuck and will eventually find myself buried in unmanageable piles of rotting issues?

I know tomorrow or maybe the next day I'll resume my "tackle the world" approach but for today, I'll sit on the couch eating chocolate chips and ignoring the rotting issues. It's easier and frankly, keeping me out of a straight jacket.

Clutch Been Busted...

My car has been in the shop for a couple days while the clutch underwent repair. I went to pick up the car today and while reviewing the receipt and repair description I noticed the repair was listed as "clutch abuse". Clutch abuse!!! 135,000 miles on the 'Ol Honda clutch and he's telling me I abused the clutch. I swear I'm one of the best standard drivers in the state of Colorado! (No pride there right?! C'mon, you know I'm just like Pretty Woman driving the standard-H down Rodeo Drive...) I know I should just blow it off but I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe I really am a bad driver disguised as one of those ladies who thinks they are a good driver. Holy smokes. Who am I really!?!? Heh. There's my daily drama.

Highway to Crazy Town...

I spend a great deal of time looking through cooking magazines and books in search of those kid-friendly recipes that will also appeal to the adult palate in our house.
Kids: cheese, noodles, fruit, milk, yogurt - i.e. anything bland!
Chris: peppers, sausage, curry, - i.e. spicy man-food!
Conclusion - I'm screwed.

I walked away from the table at lunch today in an effort to avoid spewing words that would damage my marriage and my children in one foul swoop!

Scene:
Saturday night - Tina labors to cook a yummy, low-fat, man-friendly yet kid-friendly potato soup for service at lunch the following day.
Sunday lunch sitting at the kitchen table - Tina plates all food for family and places said food on neatly set table including the friggin' place mats...!!! Chris eats happily (thank God!) as children take turns whining about soup. Georgia pushes bowl away with grimace, Reese pushes bowl away with exact same facial expression. Georgia whines for something different, Reese follows with similar whine. Tina negotiates one bite of soup (sure that after one bite children will take to yummy, labor-full soup). Neither child buys into negotiation. Tina attempts again, describing food as yummy, just like cheesy sauce they so love...on and on... Nada. Tina looks at Chris like her head is going to pop off. Chris assumes high-pitched tone that no man would brag about and supports Tina but says nothing new. Tina introduces the concept that it IS possible to hurt her feelings and that children should try food. Chris stares blankly. Tina tries different angle. Chris stares blankly. Tina leaves table and shuts herself in her bedroom. Now, Chris gets Tina's point and takes over! (What do you know!) Children try soup. After gathering her composure, Tina resurfaces from bedroom. AHHHHHHHHH!!

You know, I'm not sure how many people could continue to work hard at a job in which there is constant and guaranteed destructive criticism and lack of thanks. Oy. Staying home is the hardest and oddly, most rewarding job I've every had! Crazy Town here I come.

The Grouch That Stole Thanksgiving...

How is it that I'm grumpy on a holiday for giving thanks?! I choose to give thanks anyways.

Here's my top 10 thankful list for 2007:

I'm thankful for...
1. A husband who is totally committed to our marriage.
2. Two healthy and spunky girls
3. New friendships that surprise me with their willingness to dig deep
4. Old friendships that enrich my life and give me hope when I need it most
5. The Food Network (honestly! hours of entertainment and culinary schooling!)
6. My new pillow. Each night we grow more and more fond of each other.
7. My new niece, Finley, and her spiky hair!
8. Parents who love me unconditionally and are truly great mentors and friends
9. A brother and a sister that know (better than anyone) my past, present and cheer for my future.
10. My God-given drive for growth and understanding and His promise that He will complete that which He has begun in me.

I smile at the future while trudging through the difficult present.
Happy Thanksgiving!

Where's my time warp?

Every day I'm puzzled by my lack of time and accomplishment. Don't get me wrong, I know that cooking three healthy meals a day, playing with 2 feisty girls, and finishing the 2nd load of dishes while still having a moment to sniff my armpits and make an attempt to remember the last time I took a shower is a great deal to jam into one day. BUT, there's still more. The to-do lists grow longer, not shorter. I don't veg in front of the TV for hours on end, I don't surf the net, I don't read a novel a day or browse through catalogs and at the end of each day I look around my house and can't believe that I only chipped away an itty-bitty section of what needed to be done that day.

So, in an effort to fix the problem, (no, I'm not one of those women who like to just talk about their issues, believe me, I want to fix them!) I am thinking through and analyzing each part of my daily schedule and trying to find the time warp that must be lingering somewhere between spiking the mac-n-cheese with squash puree and kissing the girls goodnight. I have yet to find my so eagerly sought solution.

Please share with me your time saving tricks and daily schedules. How do you make it through the day and fall into bed with a sense of accomplishment? What part of your day is a non-negotiable mainstay and what part would you discard for more time?

Boring Ancestry?

In an effort to tap into my ancestry, I've been trying to get though Henrik Ibsen's "A Doll House and Other Plays". (For those of you who don't know, my maiden name is Ibsen) After one too many inquiries from supermarket attendants asking, "How do you like his work?" I decided about two years ago that I must read at least the most popular of his plays, "A Doll House". Needless to say, the book is still on my bed stand with a book mark sadly only a few acts into his first play. It's BORING!! What does that say about my family legacy?!

I feel like I've tried everything to get through it and now I'm employing the Dr. Seuss approach to reading, "Have you read it in your bed?, Have you read it standing on your head?, Have you read in in the morning?, Have you read it in the night?, Have you read it flying a kite?, Have you read it after two double espressos?, Have you read it so the supermarket attendant can be impresso-ed?"

God help me if I try again!

Contentment...

I am meditating on a few verses I ran across during my morning study on contentment. I hope you enjoy them as well...

Proverbs 17:22 "A cheerful heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit makes one sick."

Hebrews 13:5 "Stay away from the love of money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, "I will never, never fail you nor forsake you."

Proverbs 23:18 "...continue to reverence the Lord all the time, for surely you have a wonderful future ahead of you. There is hope for you yet!"

Blogging and entering...

So, last night at about mid-night I found myself half dressed standing in the kitchen wielding a very large butcher knife contemplating whether or not I had the guts to actually use the thing. (No, it's not what you think; I did not lose my temper with Chris and go all Lorena Bobbitt!!) In the dead of the night my dog, Solomon, went into a barking rage and Chris and I were convinced someone was breaking and entering. Chris hurdled out of bed like an Olympic track star. (Be still my heart!) Honestly, one of the first things that went through my head was that despite the many attempts of my blogging friends to convince me that posting a blog did not put me at stalker risk, the online stalker freaks did in fact find me and my family is toast!!
Dramatic? Me??

Chris was running around in his boxers (may I add, without a weapon!) while I was strategizing on how exactly I'd stab the crazy attacker. After Chris checked on the girls we concluded that we'd watched one too many Scream movies and tried to go to sleep. BUT, the adrenaline!! What a rush. When life gets boring I may just call one of my friends to mock break-and-enter my house at 1am. Please stand by and remember, if called please spend some time training in knife combat. I'm a crazy lady with a newly developed defense strategy!

The Present of Being Present...

The simplest moments are when we let go of the to-do list and focus on what is happening right then and there. It is a constant argument of mine that running for a camera seeking that perfect picture to capture the perfect moment actually ruins the moment! (To some extent, this is an excuse for my lifelong lack of photographic documentation...) However, I do believe there is some truth to this concept. We are so often absent from our own lives and I'm working on being more present in my own.

I was just sitting on the couch with Georgia and Reese. My normal self would have taken advantage of the moment and read a book for 20 minutes or edge vacuumed the furry carpet. Thankfully, something in me said, "Sit still!". Both girls snuggled up and we giggled and just enjoyed each other. What a refreshing moment! No fur-free carpet or eye-opening autobiography would have given me such joy and fresh perspective.

Saving money...

Some of you may know that I am constantly trying to find new ways to save money while not putting myself out too much.

My latest find? Dry or powdered milk. Yes, I know it doesn't taste the same but think about it this way. Odds are, you didn't like coffee, tea, wine or even low-fat ice cream when you first tasted it but over time it has become something you really enjoy.

Get this, powdered milk is fat-free and can be mixed with less water to make creamer or a half-and-half like product. I've used it in baking or sauces in which I would usually use milk. (bread, muffins, pancakes, soups, macaroni and cheese, etc.)

I've been substituting powdered milk in my cooking for the last month or so and Chris hasn't even noticed. (And believe me, he's very picky about his food...) The savings? Every time I go through a box of powdered milk I know I've saved about $5. That's almost two Starbucks Americanos!

Do you have any money saving ideas? I would certainly like to hear them!

Sex out of the city...

Read at your own risk... Honest content to follow...

I just returned from a weekend spent in Estes Park with a couple girlfriends from church. We filled our time with the usual weekend-away activities: hikes, shopping, hot tubs, very little sleep and TALKING. More specifically, we talked about sex; honest, up-front, respectful sex talk but still shocking and eye opening.

I was enlightened. The only sex input we get is from things like Sex and the City, prime time television or worse, that old lady on channel 70 very late at night (Suzie Creepy or whatever her name is...). It took time for the ladies to open up but after many a red face it became easier and it was fun and helpful. Why don't we talk to our girlfriends more about this? Yes, I know, IT'S PRIVATE but we talk about all our other problems and let's be honest, sex at some point is a major problem. By receiving input and encouragement we can begin to chip away at even the most private areas of our lives and make real progress.

...just my thoughts and reflection after very little sleep and a fabulous time away.

Blessed indeed...

We spend so much time thinking about what we want and don't have instead of how much we have been blessed with.

I'm reading the autobiography written by Bob and Lee Woodruff, "In an Instant". If you remember, Bob is the ABC News Anchor that was terribly injured in a road-side bombing in Iraq. Throughout the book Lee and Bob give their individual account of the recovery and page by page I'm blown away by how steadfast they are to count what they have and not what they don't have.

I suggest the read but more so I suggest analyzing your life through a different lens. What do you have to be thankful for? Leave the wants behind and see if life takes a turn for the better; not by circumstances but by viewpoint.
Happy Thanksgiving Season!

I think I'm drunk...

Yep, you heard me. I think I'm drunk on cold meds!!! I'm jammed somewhere between wanting to do a silly drug-induced dance and falling on the floor kicking and screaming, "I want my mommy!". Both would make way to a hefty audience on YouTube, I'm sure.

If you haven't deduced, my cold is still haunting me. Georgia keeps asking, "But, but, but...who's going to take care of me if you're sick?!" I assure her with every bit of positive facial expression within me that mommy's fine and can still take care of her. I'm questioning myself as I say the words to her each time. Children sure teach you to reach farther than you ever thought you could. What a blessing. Even now.

Stay tuned... Amidst my drunken haze I'm working on an online poll for the blog site. Curious?

Sick in bed with a racing heart...

Well, today I finally came down with the gunk that's been floating around my family. Thankfully Chris' client cancelled for the morning and he was able to care for the girls. It's funny, I'm always saying it would be nice to spend a day in bed doing nothing but I can't get my head and, oddly, my heart to stop racing. I can feel my blood pressure speeding every time I think about the laundry or other things that can certainly wait another day.

So, this blog posting is me squaring myself up with God's plan for me today; to take care of myself. I'm so disciplined about so much in my life but lack discipline when it comes to quieting my mind and being where I am just for a moment. Well, today I'm going to do just that.
I'll be. I'll be happy. I'll be happy just where I am.

Forgiveness...

I've been struggling with unforgiveness, more so unforgetness, with my husband, Chris. I spent some time this morning studying the Bible to see what God says to do (forgive...duh!) and move forward. If you too are in this place, can I encourage you to do the same?

The following scripture bolstered my strength and will be my Biblical mantra for a while.

Psalm 51:10 & 12
Create in me a pure heart, Oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Suggested reading on forgiveness:
Psalm 51 in it's entirety
Eph 4:31-32
I John 1:9
Luke 17:3-4
Mark 11:25
Isaiah 1:18-20
Matthew 6:14-15, 18:23-25

Mascara at the stop light...

While applying my mascara at a stop light on the way to church Georgia asked me if she could have some make-up to wear to church. Of course, I replied, "No, baby! You're gorgeous just the way you are!" Then I thought, what message am I sending her? Mommy's not gorgeous just the way she is? It's part of my mommy to-do list to raise girls with great self worth and now I wonder... Do I have great self worth? How am I communicating this to my girls? Does make-up on my not so gorgeous sleep deprived face contribute to self assured young ladies? I know makeup is a cultural and let's be honest, necessary part of most of our days BUT what are we teaching the next generation about self worth, self esteem and painting themselves beautiful?

Chaos In Ferry Land...

A jet lagged husband, two snot infested girls and a stinky dog. Mrs. Ferry, this is your life. You are the proud winner of pj's and un-brushed teeth at noon on Saturday.

What's crazy? It's so fun one minute and the very next I feel like I should be rush ordering a straight jacket. It's amazing how perspective and attitude can change a moment or...a life. I determine not to let my stinky attitude waste the beauty of what God has given me. Amen?

One question...okay, two...

Do you find posting online a good use of your time? Why?
Post your blogsite for my viewing pleasure. It will comfort me to know I'm not the only person giving in to this online social network stuff.

My first third blog posting

Oy! I've posted three copies of my first blog already! 1st, posted and lost it in la la land. 2nd, posted effectively and then realized that my blogspot address gave too much personal information for me to sleep knowing my family could be located and stalked by a nut job. 3rd might be my last. Again, oy!

Stay tuned for random thoughts and honest introspection. Read at your own risk.